Kilo, 12/14/1998-11/21/2010

I’ll never forget the day I decided to make the purchase of my first dog, ever.  It was February 13, 1999, and my first time away from home.  I just arrived my new college, UWF, on January 4th and was still trying to get my feet wet.  It was fun, but scary, and I was sad as Valentine’s Day was just the next day and I was certain the boyfriend I left behind (for all good reasons) would just forget to even call.  LOL.  Seems so petty now.  So I gave someone at my work, Circuit City, $300 to go to Alabama and pick out an all black Chihuahua for me.  The funny part is, I didn’t really care for this person.  Christi, ended up becoming a very dear friend, but she bought me/picked out for me, the thing that would help me get through my crazy 20’s and on to becoming a Mommy, to children.  Kilo.  My best friend.  Ok, Aja, my best doggie friend.

He licked all my tears, loved me even when I forgot to take him out on time, and most of all, went anywhere I went, without so much as a peep.  He loved me.  He really loved me.  He slept with me, in my bed, from the moment I brought him home.  It started with him curled up in my neck.  Then he worked his way down to my hot tummy, and soon when he met his Daddy, he ended up between my legs…but always under the covers with me.  He was MY dog.  There is NO denying that.  Not even a little.

I can remember his crazy ways of running laps in my apartment.  My friends would laugh at how fast he was and how the slightest thing would send him into this mode and we’d all just stop and watch.  Dad recalled this memory today just after he passed on.  I haven’t thought about those moments in so long.  Kilo would have been 12yo next month, and lets face it, he hasn’t ran laps in a long time.

I also remember the first time Daddy really met Kilo.  He came to me and Aja’s apartment and brought us both milkshakes.  Little did he know, I share everything with Kilo.  So Kilo had some, and snuggled up between the two of us on the couch.  Daddy didn’t have his own pet at this time, and took an immediate liking to Kilo.  If I had to work late, and Aja wasn’t home, Daddy would be the one to come over and take care of him.  Once me and Daddy decided to make it official and get married, even his parents welcomed Kilo into their home while we would go away on vacations.  He was a wonderful dog.  And everyone loved him.

The last time he had a great time with other dogs was just this past June.  Where our next door neighbors took him over to their parents house and there were 10 other dogs there.  From what we hear, Kilo had a blast.  But, from the day he came home, his health slowly dissipated.  He began losing a lot of weight, you know for a dog who started at 12.3lbs, and went down to 10’ish, and then his tummy began to grow.  We think it at least doubled if not tripled in size over the past 2mths.  He most likely had a tumor growing, but we opted  not to do xrays, we knew it was going to come time soon enough. 

Today when we woke up, Kilo was hardly breathing.  He was really struggling to get air in and finally we noticed he was sitting in his own feces.  Daddy put him in the bath while I washed his favorite blanket.  I wanted him to go in with his blanket.  He’s had it since the day I brought him home, 11yrs ago.  Joey and Dana bought me the blanket in Mexico and he claimed it the moment he arrived at my apartment. 

We arrived at the ER Animal Hospital just before noon today.  We filled out some paper work, decided to have him cremated and that I wanted to be with him.  I held him the whole time.  When the doctor came in, we laid him on the table, wrapped in his blanket, and I held his face in my hands.  I kissed his nose (just as I always did when he had shots), and told him I loved him.  It was the hardest 30seconds of my life.  Then he was gone.  In my hands, lifeless.  Daddy and I held each other tight, kissed him goodbye, and made sure he was wrapped nicely in his blanket.

Kilo, there was never a day I couldn’t count on you.  From the moment we met, you loved me just as much as I loved you.  We were besties till the end.  The day we found out we were pregnant with Ashton, it was like you knew.  You watched me more carefully and when my belly began to grow, you would lay on it while Ashton would kick away.  We were concerned how you would be Ashton (then Ethan and eventually Eli) when we brought him home.  But you were nothing short of terrific.  Ethan and you were best buds.  E loved to kiss you and today when I told him to kiss you goodbye, without hesitation, he walked out of my room, found you in the computer room, and gave you a sweet kiss.  He loved you.  We all loved you. 

I sent you on your way today in hopes for a better tomorrow.  I can only pray that you feel no more pain and you immediately meetup with Quinn, your other brother.  I’m certain you’ll notice him as he is identical to Ethan and probably hard to miss….the cutest of the bunch 🙂  Popi Miller is there too.  Go to him.  He’ll make sure you have something yummy in your belly tonight at dinner. 

I’m sure I’ll shed many more tears.  Especially when I need someone to talk too.  You were a great listener.  But in my heart, we did what was best. 

So Kilo, I leave you with this, we love you.  We’ll always love you.  And one day, we’ll meet again.  Until then, have fun chasing your tail, and be sure to give your brother lots of kissin’ licks!  Remind him that Mommy loves him too. 

Rest in peace pumpkin.

2wks ago.  Still making a place in our family 😉

Ashton kissing Kilo, goodbye.

Ethan kissing Kilo, goodbye.

Mommy snugglin’ Kilo in the car…what a hard ride 😦

So long Kilo.  You’ll be missed more than you know….

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Lots of UPDATES!

First off, Kilo is still with us.  After talking to a good friend, she convinced me that unless he is in pain than the best place for him is with us.  And I think she’s right.  He has yet to have another accident but he has been sleeping in the crate.  However, I’m letting him sleep with me tonight because I fear the worst is around the corner.  Why?  Well just this week, Kilo went from being able to jump on the couch to his spot, to not being able to jump at all. 

His belly is about 2x the size it used to be, and if I had to guess, he’s either pregnant or growing a tumor in there 😦  I’m pretty sure boy dogs don’t get pregnant so it must be the latter…sniff.  I’m also pretty certain he can’t see very far or at all during the evening.  The Vet did tell me that his vision was becoming very cloudy and he does not like to go outside at all.  Especially at night.  He hides in the corner.  So not like him. 

I refuse to take him to the vet for x-rays and such when we have already spoken to the vet and she told me that it’s only a matter of time.  Of course, we want him comfortable, and so far, he does not show any signs of being uncomfortable.  In fact, I just gave him a nice steak.  Why?  Again, he deserves it.  Putting up with me for 12 years, is enough in itself.  He was always there to lick the tears away, and now one day they will fall, and he won’t be there to help me smile.  Ashton and Ethan have been extra kind to Kilo this week, making sure to kiss him daily. 

Eli is now 8wks.  Seriously.  This is the fastest 8wks EVER!  Last night I tried my very best to help sleep train him, but he just could not go back to sleep without a full belly.  After an hour an a half of giving him his binkie, I finally said to Dad, “Feed him.”  And then he went back to sleep for another 4 hours.  Thankfully, his wake ups only last 20min from start to finish, but I’m pretty certain he does NOT need to eat in the middle of the night anymore.  I’ll try again tonight, but I’m not holding my breath.

So Eli…he is now smiling at you when you do something cute or funny.  He is very alert, with some of the biggest eyes I’ve ever seen.

He is still quite content resting in your arms or in his crib.  Should you put him down when it’s not nap time, you can almost bet he will be crying in 10mins flat.  Maybe it has to do with the fact that I love holding him?  Yeah, probably.  I think I’ve spoiled him.  But didn’t I read somewhere that it’s impossible to spoil a baby?  Yeah, they need that love 😉  And being my last baby, I’m all about it.  Shoot, who am I kidding?  I’ve spoiled them all!

Eli still hates the car and will cry the entire time you insist on driving him anywhere.  Last week we were in the car for 2 1/2 hours stuck in the worst traffic accident EVER, and he cried the whole time.  However, he slept the entire night!  So it was a small plus in my book.  Too bad he forgot to tell Mommy he was going to be fine sleeping all night.  Instead, I sat there starring at the clock and the monitor making sure he was still breathing. 

Next up is Ethan.  Poor Ethan.  He will be having his adenoids and tonsils removed on November 19th.  It’s a 15min procedure and will come home that evening.  I sure hope he is a brave little boy because Mommy’s heart will hurt.  You would never guess that my little “Casper” had such swollen adenoids and tonsils…just see for yourself.

This was taken at Trunk or Treat at Ashton’s school.  Ethan was a ghost…but he looked like Casper in the end.  He is so sweet with that little smile.  All he wanted for 2 hours was PIZZA.  When I finally told him we were going to get chocolate, he was on a mission to learn how to say “Trick or Treat.”  Poor kid, Mommy didn’t let him have but ONE piece…and that was before we arrived.  HA.

Ashton was a skeleton.  A super cute one too.

The main part of Ashton’s costume is under his shirt.  It’s a skeleton head that lights up.  UGH.  He was rather disappointed that it was so bright outside.  Hopefully on Halloween, we’ll get a better picture.

The only photo I took of Eli was when Ms. Becky was holding him and everyone thought he was her baby.  She’s one hot Mama 😉

And when the kids were pooped out, they had pizza.  Finally.

And lastly, Ashton hit the ball to get the winning RBI at last weeks game!  YEAH AT!

So I took him on a Mommy date (Ethan was at Grandma’s and Dad was on a mancation…Eli came with us) to KOBE with Aunt Dana & Howie. 

And finally, the BEST news ever…..Uncle Joey & Aunt Dana are having a baby GIRL!!!

Let the fun begin.  I plan on spoiling her to pieces!

Sad…so sad :(

Last week, Kilo had many accidents in the house.  Most of the time, I just brushed them off as I can always clean a mess.  But then on Friday morning I woke up and felt wet by feet.  Kilo was there so I assumed he was cleaning himself.  I began thinking this over in my head and thought why would he be cleaning himself at 5am?  So I got up and felt it.  Oh he soiled the bed, and was still laying in it 😦  Dogs don’t do this.  Not healthy dogs.

Daddy said to relax.  Give him another chance.  After all, Kilo is a GREAT dog.  And he’s my baby.  So we did.  So another week goes by with more in the house accidents, again, nothing to get upset over.  Then comes today.  Dad is away on a ‘mancation’ while it’s just me and the boys.  Ethan came in our room at 5am and wanted to sleep with me.  No problem, while Dad is away, I’ll snuggle E.  We fall asleep quickly and at 6am I jump into the shower. 

Ethan was still sleeping as was Kilo.  Still, in our bed.  I get out of the shower, get dressed, and wake up Ethan.  I was playing with him for a few minutes when I said, ok, it’s time to get up.  I rolled over and noticed Kilo was popping a squat in my BED!  I grab him and put him on the tile, only now, I notice my knees were in the poo.  He already did some of it in our BED!  And, under the sheets.  YUCK! 

I put Kilo in the shower, strip the bed, clean myself up, oh the smell….why are dogs poo so stinky? 

I then call Daddy and say it’s time.  We’ve got to do something.  Kilo has the final stages of a heart murmur.  This is not fun.  I’m sure he doesn’t enjoy sitting/sleeping in his own feces. 

I called Heather and found out what steps need to be done.  But she also encouraged me to “REALLY” think about this.  Remember, cleaning up an accident isn’t the end of the world.

I think she’s right.  He still seems happy and content.  I did pick up my parents dog crate and I’m going to crate him when we leave and when we go to bed.  Much easier to clean that up then my bed.  Let’s hope he doesn’t mind.  He hasn’t been in a crate since my college days, when I first got Kilo.

I won’t be doing anything until Daddy returns home.  I’m certain I can’t do this alone, and he deserves to say good-bye as well.  Kilo is 12 years old this Deceber and Daddy has been with us for 9 of those years.  Kilo loves Daddy just as much as he loves me an our boys. 

One strange thing Kilo has been doing is laying where ever Eli was previously at.  It seems so strange, as Kilo never really bothers with the kids.  Ethan is his best buddy of all of them, but that is because Ethan is always wanting to love, hug, kiss Kilo.  He is happy to give Ethan his wishes, but he doesn’t seek out this type of attention.

Sniff…..such a hard thing to deal with.