Remember….

Things I’ll want to remember about my Father’s final days….(in Hospice)

May 27th I held his hand and said, “Dad, you were always so strong.”  He perked up, wide-eyed and said, “I am strong. I am strong, Tara”  I was crying. I said, “I know Dad, but right now your body isn’t.” 

Joey came a few hours after me, every time I told my Dad that Joey was there, he’d lift his head as high as he could and open his eyes wide and look for Joey.  It was so beautiful to see how Joey’s name made him smile.

Today, May 30th, the nurse told me he wanted to shave but said he could do it himself. When the male nurse came in I asked him to do it. Dad decided the razor was bad and asked him to stop. I went to clean the shaving cream off his face and he said, “I’ll shave myself. I’ll sit up and do it.” I just chuckled.  He hasn’t sat up in a week.  He is far to week to sit up.

I sat by his side for 4hrs, when I asked him if he was OK for the 10th time, he said, “Yes, I have my daughter and grandchildren.” This made my heart smile. 

A few moments later, I said “Dad, its me.”  He said, “Tara? I thought you were a nurse that looked just like you.”  He grabbed my hand and said, “Honey, that’s a pretty shirt.”  I said, “Thank you.”  (Mind you I have a white T-shirt on.)
Shortly thereafter, he said, “Tara, I love you.” I said, “I love you too,Dad!”  He said, “I love you more than you know!”  *this may have been what I’ve been waiting to hear for a long time*

He also told me he was waiting for me.  I said, “Who me, Dad?” 

The Hospice Chaplain called a Priest in to come bless him at 5:30pm tonight. I’ll stay with him. I told Dad he was coming, he said, “I’ll do whatever he wants.”  (I stayed till 6pm and the Priest still had not arrived.  I left him a note.)

In-between the talks we had we also shared some crazy talk. The male nurse came in the room and Dad said, “There’s a bat flying around his face.”  “Tara, there’s a silver bug on your shirt.”  I told him I smashed it with my shoe, he said,”Good.”  He also gripped his hand tight (like he was holding someone’s hand) and said,  “Hi, Mom!  Yes, I’m fine. OK.  Ugh huh.”  Like he was speaking to her.  He also mentioned when we bless him (with the Priest) not to forget about his Father. He needed a blessing too. I was pretty dumbfounded by that statement.  His Father died when he was 3yrs old.   He had 2 stepfather’s that have passed, who he may have thought of as his own Dad or maybe he was referring to his own flesh and blood. I’m unsure.  I told him he’ll get to see his father soon, but that confused him so I didn’t say it again.

He never really clarified that he was waiting for, “me.”  But after he talked so crazy about his Mom and Dad and saying that he “loved me more than I know,” I have to question if this is indeed the end and maybe he was waiting?  I guess time will tell.

Joey just texted me to tell him, “he loves him and wishes he was here.” I told this to Dad but said Joey called me.  Dad said, “Who?  Joey?  I love him too.”  So sweet!

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