July, a sad month….

July is supposed to be Princess Tara month.  It wasn’t always this way, but since learning of the final baby I’m carrying is a boy, I decided July would be my Princess month. 

Well it started off, horrible.  Florida had this dark cloud over us starting on July 2nd.  It rained.  And it didn’t stop for 4 days.  I’m serious people, rain.  All day long, nonstop.  YUCK.  July 4th came and seriously, I was depressed.  On the 5th I was telling people I might need to check myself in.  I could no longer take it.  I’m not sure this has ever happened as long as I’ve lived in FL.  Which is a long time, approaching 31yrs.  YIKES.

July 5th also started the ball rolling for my friends and I.  I received a phone call on the 5th from my dear friend Agatha, who lost her Granny.  She was headed to Puerto Rico for her funeral.  I felt terrible.  July 9th, just as I was checking on Ethan who was spending the night at Grandma Debbie’s, I was informed that I would need to pick him up early the next day.  Why?  Because Grandma Gracie passed away.  This is my Dad’s Mom.  She is so sweet and kind, and now I’ll never be able to see her one last time.  That is until Tom told me, I must go with my parents.  But I had a shower on the 11th for our new bundle of joy.  How could we do all of this?  Well Saturday morning, the 10th, the went over to get Ethan and I told Mike I would drive with him if he waited till after my shower on Sunday.  He agreed.  He likes the help with driving, 16hrs is a long haul when he is the only driver.  So we left at 12:30pm on Sunday and arrived at 4:30am Monday morning.  Just in time for Grandma’s viewing on Monday at 2pm. 

She looked beautiful.  Stunning.  I’m pretty certain, I’ve never seen her look so beautiful.  But then again, I didn’t see her but a handful of times, and the last two times, she wasn’t eating much and her health was going down the tubes. 

It took everything in my well-being to get up to her casket.  I’ve only ever seen one other person laying there like that, and I could hardly contain myself for him, and I never even knew him.  Not a single day in my life did I see him alive and I couldn’t control myself then.  And this, was 10,000x harder! 

But I did it.  I didn’t do it at 2pm.  I did it at 6pm when we went back for the family and friends viewing.  I kneeled down beside the beautiful Gracie Hawn, and I said a few words to her.  I wished her well and told her to enjoy being reunited with her beloved husband, 2 dear son’s that were taken far too soon in life, her Grandson who also was taken too soon, and my angel baby Quinn.  She loved babies.  So I’m sure she’s eating him up right now.  And that, makes me smile.

As my shower was taking place I received a phone call from Aja.  My bestest friend in the whole wide world.  Aja, if you’re reading this, have you realized it’s been 21yrs?  HOLY CRAP!  That’s a long time.  So she called me and told me her Nana has 2days to 2wks left to live, lung cancer.  OMG.  Really?  Could anything else happen this month?

Yes, in fact, it can.  As we were driving to PA, I received an email from my other dear friend, Devon.  She informed me that her Dad cannot walk and needs surgery.  Only his heart isn’t strong enough for the 4hour procedure and the doctor isn’t sure what will happen or when it will happen, if there is anything they can do.

Lord, help us.

And lastly, before we left Tampa, T and I noticed that Kilo isn’t doing well himself.  He seems to be dropping more weight and his cough is resurfacing.  He is suffering from Congenital Heart Failure, and honestly, we just don’t know how long he has to live.  Thankfully, he is not in pain.  But he seems to be showing signs of old age, and it’s just breaking my heart.

Ashton left for Grandma Helen’s last Friday.  I did go see him on Saturday to say I was going to PA, and did explain to him that Grandma Gracie was now an angel with baby Quinn.  He cried.  A lot.  He was crying because he said he was going to miss me.  He didn’t really understand why Grandma Gracie was called upstairs, but I tried to ease the pain and tell him that Grandma’s make the BEST cookies, and maybe God needed her help in the kitchen.  I’m not looking forward to the questions I will receive when I get home, but I am looking forward to seeing my boys. 

We leave tomorrow at 4am.  I’m so excited to wrap my arms around each of them.  I can hardly think of anything else today.  I know driving home will be the longest drive of my life, but I’m ready.  I’m so tempted to leave tonight, but I know my parents would not want to do that.  LOL.

Saturday I’m planning to take the boys to see Aja.  She needs to get her mind off of things for a little bit and I need to give her a big hug and let her know that she and her Nana are always in my prayers.  This cannot be easy for her.  She’s had a rough 6mths herself.  I love her dearly and would do anything to ease the pain. 

Sunday is my birthday.  Let’s pray it’s a nice day.


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