Makes me sad :(

Last night at dinner Ashton was telling Daddy that Ms. Laurie is about to have a BABY! Baby Evan that is. She is delivering him tomorrow. Ashton is so excited to meet him and to see him out of her belly.

Daddy says, “Ashton do you remember when Quinn and Ethan were in Mommy’s belly?”

Hearing this, makes my head turn. It isn’t often the name Quinn comes up while talking to Ashton. And especially not from Daddy.

Ashton said, “Yes, Daddy, I remember.”

Then this morning. I’m checking my email and Ashton pulls out his baby photo album of all his cousins. Of course, it is all his cousins in their younger years. He turns to Evan and Matthew, Uncle Derek and Aunt Dana’s twins. He points to Matthew (about 1 yo in the photo and who is now 4 1/2yo) and says, “Mommy, is this baby Quinn?” UGH!

Seriously. I’ve only been out of bed for 30mins, and I’m already thinking that this day is going to be hard. Our 2nd family vacation, our 2nd one that Q is not with us. The first one Ethan was so little I don’t think it really phased me much except that everywhere I turned in Myrtle Beach last year, there were twins just about my boys age. Then I’d see older ones, identical of course, running from here and there and everywhere.

And now we get to the fun times of a little ones life. 15mths is a GREAT age. Ethan has the most curious mind, he is into everything, and has quite the personality. So now I sit and wonder what Q would be like. Would they be similar? Would they be different? I know one thing is for sure, they would look the same. And for that I’m thankful for knowing what he would look like. Not that it makes my life any easier, but it does bring a little comfort in knowing.

UGH….I hope the gym kicks the funk out me today because really, I should be celebrating life. And not dwelling on the past. But sometimes, it’s just not that easy 😦

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1 Comment

  1. Hamilton Boys said,

    June 11, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    I am sorry you ever had to go through what you all have, and to live with it takes amazing strength…which I know you have. I know it has to be hard to see other twins, especially id. boys like mine, but we are so glad we know you and have learned so much about TTTS from you. Hugs to you & have a great trip!! Brooke


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