Well my last post was the day I was on the fence if I should go see him or wait until Thursday June 2, and just go with T. But then I remembered a text I received from a dear friend, Colleen. She said, “You need to be with your Dad, till the end.” I tossed this text around in my head over and over. I did NOT want to go and then to go again the following day. But when T called me, I said, “I’m going.” I just knew I had to. Not only did I have too, but I’d KICK myself if something happened and I didn’t go one last time.
So I asked Ashton to come with me. After bribing him with a McDonald’s HappyMeal, he was game for anything. We arrived at 4:30pm and when I walked into his room he was moaning and groaning, loudly, and wide awake. I asked him if he was in pain and he said YES. I went to find the nurse and she told me they upped his meds. Ok, well now I had questions…when did they up them? Why is he in pain, does he need more? What’s going on?
I was beginning to get bothered by the nurse he had. For the first time, this nurse wasn’t exactly Hospice friendly. I was unsure why, as I was being VERY nice to her. Afterall, she is his caregiver, I NEED to be nice. I turned around after not getting any answers from her and saw Dad’s Doctor. I questioned her. Why is he in so much pain? She responded, “I’m unsure, lets check his chart. Says we upped his meds today.” I said, “Ok, well did he just get them and maybe they haven’t kicked in yet, what time did he get them?” She turns around and asks “Donna.” Who gives her the same snotty answers as me….”We upped his meds today. We upped his meds today.” NO ANSWERS!!!! Finally, his doctor said, “WHAT TIME?” Donna said, “11:30am.” Well it was now 5:30pm! I was mad! Doctor said, without hesitation, “Let’s increase it again, NOW!” Perfect. I love her ;) No reason for him to be in pain, he’s dying for goodness sake. I also ask her about his thrush in his mouth which seems to have gotten even worse, and she gives him a prescription for that as well. Thank you!!!
While we wait for medicine, Ashton crawls up on my lap and my Dad grabs my hand and says, “I want to say a prayer.” I said, “Ok!” He just laid there, quiet. I asked him if he wanted me to say one and he responded, “No. I’m going to say one.” Well he held my hand, tight. For a good 2-3mins, but no words came out of his mouth. I’d like to think he was saying a quiet prayer. I wish I knew what he thinking/praying, but in my heart, I know. I believe he was letting go. I thought that at the exact moment he was praying and I still think that today, 3 days later. When he let go of my hand I asked Ashton to say a prayer. He said the Our Father, loud enough for Grandpa Joe to hear. He said it beautifully. Dad recognized that he said it, but really wasn’t talking much that day.
A few moments later the medicine is increased and my brother shows up. I didn’t know he was coming, so this was a very pleasant surprise. At 6:30pm I had to hunt the nurse down for the medicine for is thrush. She came in and gave it to me and said, “Here, you give it to him.” I sure hope she was just having a bad day and isn’t like this all the time.
Joey and I stayed until 8pm. I brought Ashton with me so I wouldn’t stay all night. Because at one point, I was going to stay all night. Weird huh? I gave him a few kisses goodbye and told him I’d see him the next day with T.
I got home and went to bed. I was awake from 11-1am or later, unable to sleep. At 2:28pm my phone rang. I knew what it was. A male nurse called to tell me my Father passed away at 2:15am. All I could think was, “THANK GOD I WENT TO SEE HIM!” Thank you Colleen. Thank you!
I had to make the phone call to my brother to let him know about our Dad. Seems weird…baby sister calling big brother? But I did it. He made the phone call to Dad’s sister and I called my Mom. I cried. I cried a lot. But I knew this was coming. And I was prepared. Joey called me back around 3am and said he took off work and we were going to go make all the arrangements together that morning. This is when it was great to have a BIG BRO! He really made it easier on me.
We will have a small Catholic Mass for him soon where all his family and friends are welcome to come celebrate his life. If you are interested in coming, just email me and I’ll send you the information ;)
Lastly…on that last night in Hospice, Ashton said, “Grandpa Joe, I have a baseball trophy!” GJ says, “That’s a basketball.” And he lifted his arm up to the light. Ashton giggled and said, “Mom, GJ thinks the light is a basketball.” I said, “It’s ok, Ashton.” GJ says, “What? It’s not a basketball? What is it?” And then he just smiles!! He was so happy that Ashton made him a picture of Batman. We hung Batman up in his room to protect him. We told him this and he said, “Oh good!”
Dad…I love you! May you find comfort in your new home. I hope by now you have found Quinn and you’ve given him a GREAT BIG HUG from his Mama!!! Forever yours, Lynnski.